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Andrew J. Olinde, Jr.
I grew up in Baton
Rouge, Louisiana and attended Louisiana State University. During college
I majored in History with a concentration in the American Civil War.
After graduation, I attended the University of Louisiana at Monroe
Business School. I graduated with a Masters of Business Administration
and currently work as a store manager for Olinde's Mattress Superstore.
The Art of Aggravation is my first humorous fiction. I have had four
publications, and I hope to have many more in the future!
New Title(s) from Andrew J. Olinde, Jr.
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The Tree Line is a about a melancholy Confederate
captain who is struggling with the perilous combination of war and
alcohol addiction. The cruelty of the American Civil War not only
affects the captain, but it also affects the emotional state of his
deteriorating wife who resides in Union-occupied New Orleans. In
desperation, the wife asks her husband to make a promise.
Word Count: 5800
Pages to Print:
File Format: PDF
|Aggravation takes place primarily in three
environments: the home, the school and the car. A maneuver is a
plan of action for performing the art of aggravation against
your intended target, and maneuvers exist for each environment.
A setback is a negative reaction that results from aggravating
another person, and setbacks usually come in various shapes and
sizes of physical and emotional pain. The objective of becoming
a master in the art is to defeat certain people like bullies,
while simultaneously enjoying the art’s positive results like
popularity. Practicing the art may walk the fine line of being
mean. Therefore, THE ART OF AGGRAVATION stresses good moral
values like honesty, and it promotes making good grades in
school. Becoming a master in the art of aggravation is not easy,
so the reader must be disciplined and patient. But, most of all,
the reader should have fun.
Word Count: 28726
Pages to Print: 88
File Format: PDF
The Tree Line
The invisible hand of anxiety
was squeezing the very life out of Captain Leon. He turned away from his
ragged men and strolled behind the long row of white tents. Once he had
walked deep within the safety of the large cluster of honey locust trees
and was certain he was out of sight of Second Company, the captain, with
trembling hands, loosened his stiff red collar and tried to get some
oxygen into his deflated lungs. He paced between an auburn shrub to the
height of the navy sash tied around his waist and the decorative web of
a garden spider spun between two small trees. As he paced, the captain’s
legs weakened. Finding a nearby tree stump, Leon sat down and ran his
thin fingers through his long locks of blonde hair. He tried to stroke
away the suffocating feeling that was making beads of sweat stream down
his broad forehead and drip into his deep blue eyes.
He wished he had someone with
whom he could share his troubles. His inability to show or share these
unnerving experiences with his fellow men of the 6th Louisiana made
Captain Leon’s current state unbearable.
As he sat upon the tree stump
drawing in shallow breaths of warm air, Leon began to think about his
wife, Elizabeth. He longed to return home to be in her soft comforting
arms. As he thought of her, Leon realized his only escape from his
current surroundings were his thoughts, and he allowed his thoughts to
carry him away from this hot summer’s day. Away to the delicious Sunday
mornings he and Elizabeth spent together on Saint Charles Avenue.
The sunlight crept through
the white drapes and ran up Leon’s smooth face until it hit his eyes. He
softly kissed his wife’s cheek, and rose from his white feather bed to
begin his morning routine of eating breakfast and reading his favorite
newspaper, The Picayune. Elizabeth always slept until the sunlight
interrupted her rest, and then joined Leon on the front veranda
encircling their large Victorian home. After breakfast, they dressed in
their best attire and boarded their white carriage. Weekly, Elizabeth
and Leon attended mass at Saint Louis Cathedral and took long walks
through the family’s sugar plantation on the banks of the Mississippi
River. They picnicked under the large oak tree where Leon proposed to
Elizabeth, drinking French wine and listening to the church bells ring.
Leon ran his tongue over the
faint taste of red wine on his cracked lips. His thoughts created the
sounds of church bells ringing in his sun burnt ears until the sound of
crumbling leaves interrupted them. Turning, he expected to see
Lieutenant Spiller’s red flannel shirt and pale complexion. Relief
flooded the captain, the perpetrator’s footsteps were only the
stick-like legs of a black crow searching for his morning meal.
Leon hopelessly muttered to
himself, “If only I were that crow I would leave this damned place and
fly home.” As if on cue, the crow gave Leon a penetrating and knowing
look, and flew away.
As he watched the crow fly through an opening of a
locust tree the captain realized he knew all too well what the
consequences were for “flying away” from the Army of Northern Virginia.
Last week, two soldiers of Captain Leon’s Second Company were caught in
the act of desertion and Colonel Robb decided to make an example of
them. The two men had managed a small restaurant in the French Quarter
Elizabeth and Leon frequented before the war. The younger man, Jack
Boland, was married to the older man’s daughter, Lucille. Lucille loved
both her husband and father very much, and she would write them ten
letters a week. However, her latest letters depressed the husband and
the father. She had written that Yankee officers had been making sexual
advances toward her in the restaurant, and she feared their future
advances might become forceful. In response to the letters, the two men
resolved to desert the army and protect their wife and daughter.
Leon was shaken when he had
heard the news that skirmishers had captured the two men. The colonel
ordered the entire 6th Louisiana to be present at the hanging.
Unfortunately for Leon, Second Company was in the front row just a few
feet away from the scaffold. The two condemned men were brought out.
Jack Boland, unlike the father, had no intention on dying with dignity.
The young husband kicked, jerked, twisted, pulled, pushed, screamed and
cried all the way from the confinement room to the gallows. The two
guards forced the young husband up the short flight of wooden steps and
steadied him on the platform. Once the noose was drawn tight around both
of their necks, Jack realized any further resistance would be futile.
“Last words?” The executioner
first asked the older man. The father refused to speak and the black
sack was placed over his gray head.
Though tears flowed from his
eyes and disappeared in his thick red beard, Jack was calm. “Last
words?” The executioner repeated without looking into the young
husband’s reddened eyes.
Jack nodded, cleared his
throat, and stepped forward on the gallows, making the noose tighten
around his neck. He took one step back and addressed the 6th. “I did not
flee from this army. My wife is in desperate need of me.” The young
husband dropped his head for a moment and then lifted it again. “Will
someone please pay a visit to my wife if you ever return to New Orleans?
Her name is Lucille Boland and our home is at Royal and Dumaine in the
Quarter.” He nodded to the executioner, refused the black sack and began
praying in unison with the priest who looked up at the gallows from the
“. . . Holy Mary, Mother of
God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death. Amen.” The
executioner pulled the lever and the door on the gallows’ floor opened.
The fall from the scaffold broke the father’s neck immediately, but the
young husband’s neck did not break. Captain Leon watched as Jack’s face
became bright red as he continued to kick his feet for a while and then
Back to The Tree Line
The Art of Aggravation
The truth is some people are just annoying: the disgusting boy
who is always burping, the chatty girl who spits when she talks,
the old man who thinks he is getting away with passing gas by
clearing his throat at the same time, or the woman who sticks
her foot in her mouth by saying you dance like an ape. These
people don’t know their actions are annoying and cannot
understand why people don’t want to be around them. This book
isn’t about making irritating people become aware of their
“annoyingness.” I have tried and it does not work.
The purpose of this book is to display aggravation as an art
form. Yes, aggravating another person is an art, just like
painting. The painter paints because he or she wants to show
their talent. I, a master in the art of aggravation, want to
show my talents, too.
In this book I refer to aggravating another person as the art of
aggravation, or simply “the art.” The art is a powerful tool.
But you must understand that with power comes responsibility.
You are responsible for how other people feel. Be kind, and
always apologize if you have hurt someone’s feelings.
Through mastering the art of aggravation, I have come to
understand its results. The power of the art creates positive
opportunities and expels negative people from your life. In my
case, the power of the art has earned me the title of class
clown and made bullies fear the humiliating maneuvers I may use
against them in the schoolyard. The art of aggravation has also
given me the ability to gently distance myself from certain
people such as goofballs, weirdoes and loudmouths.
Unfortunately, setbacks come with the art of aggravation, and
you must be devoted to the art, in order to overcome these. I
define a setback as a negative action that results from
aggravating another person. Setbacks come in many different
forms and bring varying degrees of physical and emotional pain.
Examples include getting beaten up by an older brother; feeling
left out of the popular group in school; having your hair pulled
out by an older classmate; and being pinned down to the floor by
your older sister who forces you to say, “Girls are better than
Setbacks are not fun, but they occur when you try to master
anything in life. Think about it this way: do great football
players quit after getting hurt the first time? Do professional
ballerinas quit after they have fallen? I don’t think so. Well,
then why should you? No guts, no glory, right?
I have organized this book around the environments in which
aggravation takes place, and I have broken these down into three
types of environments that readers will be familiar with: The
Home, The School and The Car.
The nature of the aggravation relies heavily on the environment.
Just as a skilled hunter understands the surrounding forest in
which he hunts, you too must understand the environment you are
in and use it to your advantage.
Within each environment there will be many successful maneuvers.
What is a maneuver? A maneuver is a plan of action for
performing the art of aggravation against your intended target.
In this book, I give examples of maneuvers I have tried in the
past—some were successes, other were failures. You will learn
the most from my failures. As you read them, take note of why I
failed and avoid making the same mistakes. Stay focused, read
carefully, and get ready to master the art of aggravation.
to The Art of Aggravation